Is it all legit?

Honestly, it makes me feel terrible, just like it would for any other woman who already feel bad about herself. It brings up alot of questions like "why do these women actually want to continue being part of the porn business?" and "why doesnt anyone realize how destructive it already is?" and "why did God design men to be such pigs?". Ok..maybe the last one is just my opinion. Somehow the male species evolved back into pigs and the female species evolved back into lizards. Thats the way it is these days..

I know men arent really pigs, and God didnt design them that way. It sure seems like it, but deep down I know for a fact it isnt true. Men are just different, and we females have to learn to adapt to the difference as best we can. Many of us women have failed.

Girls these days fail to realize why men appear to be such jerks. If a girl wears a short skirt, a low-cut shirt, a mini dress, a bikini..usually its just fashion. Either they want to look cute or they want to look sexy, and its achieved. The slightest show of skin can make a guy go crazy, and they've learned that. But they dont realize that every guy is looking and probably thinking along the same lines. When I say ever guy..I mean every single guy in the perimeter. Even the ones that are 65+. Disgusting right? Well, its how theyre designed. The sex drive built into a male is much stronger than that of a woman. That fact is..totally annoying heh, and totally true. Why do you think so many guys look at pornography? It entices them far more than it can for a girl. I applaud the men that stay away from porn. Youre awesome.

Personally, I hate porn. The very idea of it is appauling. Porn isnt something that guy can look at, get a kick out of it, and then look at from time to time to thrill themselves. It's addictive, but it doesnt give the same effect as drugs. If a guy gets addicted, he will build a fantasy world that will destroy his life completely. Well..maybe not completely..but pretty much. Now this is why I hate porn, be cause now I know that if a guy gets addicted, he will want a sex life simmilar to what he looks at on a regular basis. He will expect perfect technique, perfect body, perfection all around.

So did you catch it? They begin to expect perfection. That sucks for us girls that cant be perfect.

Now, some guys expect perfection even if they dont look at porn. I dont like those guys..but that probably doesnt matter ha!

Ive contemplated this alot, you guys. Im still struggling with hatred, jealousy, and depression. Its not taking over me, thank God..but it gets to me every once in awhile, and especially now. I feel like I cant be near perfect. I cant tan..I just burn. My skin is frustrating. I have fat in weird places, and not enough in others. I have a bit of a crossbite in my teeth. Im no where near perfect. Im not really all that pretty, actually, and it sucks! Seeing other women striking men with their unfailing beauty is sooooo annoying. It totally enrages me. I know, I know..Im just complaining and I need to accept myself. Well, I have accepted myself. Im not usually depressed about myself, and I do like the life that I live. The good Lord has blessed me and loved me, and I wouldnt deny it for all the beauty in the world. But..that doesnt keep all the jealousy from getting too me just yet.

Any of you girls out there know how I feel? See all the other pretty girls getting attention and affection while youre left green with envy and buried underneath self-pity and shame?

No matter how much I try to stifle it, get away from it, tie it up in burlap sack and throw into the sea...it catches up with me. Its true, I would like to date- but I dont. I would like to love- but I cant. Ive almost fully convinced myself that men are animals and I dont want anything to do with them. But I cant get away from it. I still desire to be loved, and its still crushing me.

Honestly, it takes alot out of me. Just last Sunday it crept up on me and caused me to be depressed the entire day. Its so weird...like, seriously it was the weirdest thing. A high school graduate was giving his testimony in front of the whole church. My first thought was "he looks like a nice guy". Next I thought "hm..he's actually really cute". Before I knew it, I was attracted..and then it hit me. "I'll never get a guy like that. Im too stupid and ugly to attract anybody, even the best that God has to offer".

No..really..I thought that. It sounds silly, I know, but then again it isnt. It just gets to me.

But I know God made me beautiful in His eyes. I know He created me for a reason. I know He loves me and He died for me. Thats enough to make me cry, and its enough to make me not want to date even more, because no man will ever love me and not go back on his word. Well, certainly not now at least.

Ok so..did you see where Im getting at? I really just kinda ranted here..but I wanted to get these points across at least: Men are not pigs theyre just different. Porn is destructive and I hate it (I also applaud men that hate porn as well). And..um..well, idk what the last point is. But I guess I just wanted to tell all the girls that feel the same way I do that they're not alone and that God loves you no matter what you look like...yay!!